The X Profiles

Am I queer? Am I a Homo? Am I a fag?

Am I Gay?

I know, I know! Strange way to start the year, right? Well, AM I GAY is a real question that one of my girlfriends kids is asking himself right now and also a direct friend of mine (over 40) is asking himself the same question! So, that’s inspired my whipping up an article on the subject. I have a feeling a lot of people are

beginning 2010 by asking themselves this question! For sure a lot of young men will ask themselves this during their confusing adolescent years; it’s certainly one that every gay man will at some time have had to wrestle with and come to terms with on discovering the true answer. Of course, there are the lucky ones – the majority – those people for whom their sexuality has never been in any doubt. They are the very people who, by their heterosexual appetite and acknowledged prowess with the opposite sex, may have initiated that desperate question in other minds. But to not be one of that majority, to not have the same appetite for the opposite sex, does not immediately make anyone gay and thats where it gets confusing for many.

No matter what the case, it needs to be stated there is nothing at all wrong with being gay, however it does come with some burdens that heterosexuals never have to face. There is the gay scene – known by all to be notoriously promiscuous – and although it is representative of less than a quarter of all gay people it is what a gay person will always be seen as being a part of by many uninformed heterosexual people. Then there is the whole “coming out” saga. Should you come out to family and friends, at work, to all and sundry, or not do it at all? Facing up to this issue can be traumatic for some people – and whatever you finally decide on as being best for you, even staying “in the closet”, it will not be without some implications.

Gay, straight or bisexual, it matters not – you are you, and you are unique. Whatever sexuality you may be, no two people are ever exactly the same – not even identical twins. Be proud of who and what you are, and if you find that you are gay or bisexual then remember that that is quite normal in the great scheme of things, it is only some areas of society that still have a problem with this – and the problem is theirs, not yours.

One of the biggest mysteries in the world today is why some people have a problem with another person’s sexuality when you consider all the great names there have been throughout history that have been known not to be heterosexual. Great emperors, kings, war-lords, painters, writers, poets, musicians, composers, pop singers, fashion gurus, astrologers, philosophers, architects, engineers and many, many others all enjoying pride of place in history have been either gay or bisexual – the list is almost endless, and it even includes a pope or two! Their sexual orientation never hampered these people – it need not hamper you.

Judy Garland is reputed to have said: “Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version

of somebody else.” There could be no better advice. Another quote I love came from the late, great, and still sadly missed Dusty Springfield: “My sexuality has never been a problem to me but I think it has been for other people.”

We now come to the crunch question: how do I know if I am gay? I suppose the simple answer is – you just know. But you do need to wait until all those hormones have settled down a bit before asking the question. Once that has happened the sexual desires and urges will be noticeably better fed and nourished by the thoughts and fantasies of either one or the other of the two sexes. Crudely put: whatever makes you “cum” the easiest and the best will give you the answer. For just a few people this may be equal, or it may alternate continuously throughout their lives, and they are what we term as being: bisexual.

Sexual orientation is not hereditary, neither can it be instilled by corruption, persuasion, lifestyle or by any other means – and no matter what anyone may tell you, or claim, it most definitely cannot be changed. It is what you are. Were it to be any different, then in a vastly heterosexual society, and with few gay people actually reproducing, by long before now there would have been no gay people left in the world. But it is a known fact that the percentage of homosexual people in the world has varied little throughout all history, and although we may yet not understand the reason for it, nature has seen fit to maintain this status quo.

So fess up. We’re stuck with us.